I should forget her
by GuitarsThatWriteAndSing
Summary: Tori's thoughts on her and Jade's 'whatever-ship'


_**A/N:**__ If it is the first time you read one of my stories, well I recommend you t read my previous stories (or the A/N at the bottom) to understand… To the rest, well see you at the end._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of the characters, only the plot.**_

_**(-)**_

I shouldn't have ever seen her that way, this way. I should have known, I should have been smartest, I should have realized. Jade West could never in a million years love me, Tori Vega, or even try to do so.

I should have known she loved Beck, I should have notice that she wouldn't chance one day to another. I should have understood that in her world, there isn't space for me, Tori Vega.

I shouldn't have been shy whenever she got closer, I shouldn't have felt special whenever I could get closer. I shouldn't have fill my mind with those thoughts during class, at my house, in my sleep. I should have just ignored it.

I should have ignored all those butterflies she made me feel when she came around. I should have just received them as friendly gestures, not as anything more.

I should have through all her drawing, like she did with mine. I should stop replaying her smile, laugh and eyes in my mind. I should forget her perfume. I should forget her worried face. I should rip away all the memories with her from my mind.

I should just let them be, they don't know it isn't their fault. I should just move on.

I should forget those moments she would play with my finger, when she played with my hair or looked me directly in the eyes like trying to tell me something.

I should find other person; I should stop thinking about her. I should let go.

I should forget all the times she'd get mad at me and would ignore me. I should forget her angry eyes.

I should, maybe, try and know other people. I should give the chance to other person, just to try and proof to myself I can live without her attention and love.

I shouldn't have staid quiet; I should have told her when I had the chance.

I should have kissed her when it seemed she wanted it too. Stupid Tori Vega, always so afraid.

I should stop my hand when it touched her hair, when it touched her arms, her hand, and her face.

I should have stopped myself from falling for this girl, Jade West.

I should stop biting my tongue. I should stop sobbing before I hyperventilate.

I should just let her live. I should stop thinking she is mine, or was mine or could have ever been mine.

I should forget her low morning voice. I should forget the laughs we had when she came over.

I should forget the movie we saw, one of her favorites. I should forget she fell asleep in my arms and she didn't wake up until I did at almost four in the morning.

I should really stop holding my wrist where I wrote her name few days ago, just playing.

I should forget her calm breath when she sleeps. I should forget how peaceful she seems. I should forget her peculiar hair, its dark but it always so bright at the same time.

I should totally stop biting my tongue before it starts bleeding.

I should stop all the times she stopped me from doing stupid stuff, and all the times I caught her doing stupid stuff and talked to her and told her it wasn't the solution to anything.

I should forget the way she shouted at me in the classroom. I should forget the way my body reacted. I should forget that automatically made me go to the bathroom and cry but she did care enough and invented an excuse to get out of the room.

I should forget how safe her arms felt. I should forget how warm her body is.

I should forget she's gorgeous.

I should forget that smile, always sincere.

I should stop acting like a damn baby.

I should date other people and forget her.

I should stop thinking on that freaking photo Cat showed me, poor innocent Cat.

I should stop crying, no wait I can't even do that. I can't cry.

I should get out from my shock before my teeth cut my tongue.

I should forget how she called me today, but I missed the call. I wonder what was up? I checked her Slap page and bam! It was like something, ironically, slapped me.

The photo and the slap.

And Beck.

I should stop thinking about his girlfriend this way…

I should stop treating everybody so bad.

I should just forget I saw this and that this happened and just _act_ like everything was fine.

I shouldn't have erased her phone number, useless.

I shouldn't have overreacted, is not like she cheated on me.

I should just get used to it.

I should really get used to see them kissing already?

I should forget her, behave normally Vega!

I should really stop torturing my tongue, it's hurting really bad.

I should stop the music from my PearPhone, it only makes me think of her.

I should stop texting Cat because I'm just being mean, I should go to sleep and wait until this nod in my throat turns into million tears.

I should forget her eyes. Her damn eyes.

I should close my eyes because they feel heavy.

I should really start breathing and winking.

I should try and relax my muscles.

I should try and move on.

I should try and forget this is their 3rd year Anniversary and that now they probably in Beck's RV making love. Love, because they love each other.

I should stop trying to compete with him, his better he won. He has Jade, more important her love. He's the one she loves and I better get along with it.

People say that when you love someone but they don't love you back, you should just let them be, move on because as long as that person is happy you're supposed to be happy too.

Maybe, and just maybe they're right.

I should forget Jade West.

(-)

_**A/N:**__ You have no idea how many times I had to write each word. My fingers are typing; I have no idea what though. What you read there, okay that's all true, all that stuff happened to me with… well you know who. I just __**NEEDED**__ to get it out; I __**NEEDED**__ to write as much as I need air. By the way my tongue is actually about to bleed lol. And yes, I'm chatting with my best friend (not_ _**her**__, my legit best friend… like the first person I came out to lol). You cannot image how heart breaking was seeing that picture… damn I started shaking, SHAKING. I think I'm kinda getting out of the shock…_

_**Anyways, any mistakes I'm SO SORRY (I don't really think anyone read this story but anyways), I'm not, NOT okay…**_

_**P.S:**__ I wanted to write something for "Tutors are for Idiots" but I just couldn't. I couldn't at all (Update: I'm going to do it now haha)_

_**Thank you so much for reading, feel free to leave a review with mistakes I made or if you think I should just erase this thing.**_

_**P.S 2:**__ "Stupid things" includes sharp stuff… you got it? Smart breathing thing!_

_Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to try and cheer myself up a bit with Victorious episodes, with your permission. _

_P.S 3: I wrote this yesterday dawn/Thursday's night. It may have lots of mistakes lol, I really don't want to read it again…_


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